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Sunday, April 4, 2010

Life is Short

I feel like the theme throughout my life has been "life is short." My adoptive mom passed away when I was 11 years old after fighting leukemia through chemotherapy. My grandma or "hal-muh-nee" in Korean whom I became very close to also passed away while I was in college. Although my mom and I didn't have the best mom-daughter relationship, I missed her while carrying the baggage of our unreconciled relationship. It was hard to visit my mom's grave at times because my anger would resurface. This past spring break John and I went to see my adoptive dad and mom's grave without Joey. It was another step of grief for me. The least I could do was show him the memorial card that we made over Christmas and it had Joey's footprints on it. My dad is a retired sergeant major so he never showed much emotions with me but this time he briefly showed his sentimental side by whispering "Bless her heart." Then of course he changed the subject because he didn't want to cry. After losing my little girl, I realized that life was too short to stay angry at my parents for the mistakes they've made in the past. Death feels so near - not knowing when I will lose another loved one again. It was reassuring to see my dad "happy" and make the most of his life at 72 years of age.
Then there is our daughter who lived her short life for 21 weeks under my heart. We went to Joey's memorial site yesterday for the Easter weekend. I could only be grateful that she's in heaven because of the Cross...

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