Sometimes I think about Joey as I see Ayden growing inside of me. I grieve over the memories I couldn't have with her. What would Joey have been like around this time? I expected Ayden to be more active as a boy but he is pretty calm throughout the day. I count his kicks in the morning after breakfast and I don't feel him much during the day. I wonder if Joey would've been calmer or more outgoing like her daddy. I let myself cry on her due date, February 12th and 14th. We had two different due dates - one given by the RE and one by my OB. Who knew they would be two dates for John and I to mourn for years to come....
This past Thursday was 34 weeks....Then today was our maternity tour and a baby shower. My husband and I both had the weirdest feeling joining "new parents" in the tour. I dreaded stepping into the elevator and going up the L&D ward. I didn't want to walk into the room where I delivered Joey. I didn't want to cry. By the time we walked through the ward, I realized the new changes they made and what used to be a curtain where the nurse first wheelchaired me into that night was no longer there. They obviously created a wall around there...I didn't even remember what end of the hallway I was in to deliver Joey but John did. They used the very last room as the "fetal demise" room and probably did for every patient in a similar situation. Luckily, we went in and out of a different room and moved out of there.
Baby showers were always a dread for me back in the days. I think around my 2nd year of infertility I was so sick of going to my coworkers' baby showers at work. Then after Joey I had better reasons not to go. It was hard to decide to do one for Ayden every time I thought about Joey's absence. Yet I thank God for hubby's coworkers, our friends, our babyloss moms, and church friends who came to bless our Rainbow Baby. I felt so much peace with the reality of bringing Ayden HOME. I finally had the courage to share on Facebook about Ayden. I pray this is it. I hope we are almost to the finish line with a successful pregnancy.
|The Four of Us - Joey's footprints, Ayden, Mommy and Daddy!|
|Thanks to Kimberly, Mommy to Eden in heaven, for doing a marvelous job with the pictures!|
|Our First Baby Shower - I can't believe we had one! Eight years of marriage|
and we are so close to bringing our baby home....