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Thursday, May 5, 2011

What are you doing for Mother's Day?

There are always posts I want to write but I find myself staying occupied with other things somehow. I ask myself am I sounding redundant? Didn't I go through these feelings all last year? However, things are surely different this time around. I know my right to grieve this year unlike last year I tried to mask my sadness with my smile.

I don't have any relatives to validate me as a mom on Mother's Day. I received one card from a friend who didn't lose a child but wanted to express compassion. It was sweet. I find myself at peace and in deep comfort knowing there are other moms from my local support group as well as blogging BLM's around the world feeling what I feel. My husband and I didn't do the usual dinner for his mom last year. I don't think she knew that NEED and LONGING I had for people I love to acknowledge the grief I dealt with. So another year of Mother's Day is coming around here in the U.S. I don't expect much from my family again but I told my husband with humor how I wanted to be acknowledged at least by him on Mommy's Day - "I am Joey's mom so buy me a gift!" I will celebrate my precious daughter and the special relationship I have with her that will be ongoing.

Frankly, I wanted to avoid being around family but we had no choice with the timing of it. My mom in law is going through so much herself taking care of her mother. We hope we can encourage her Sunday with BBQ ribs for lunch. I don't know what I will feel that morning. Sad, happy, lonely? Church is out of the picture... not because I think I will lose it if I see babies (I think I am pass that but who knows)... I think it's just my act of mourning for my daughter's absence.

If you are a BLM, I am curious to see what you are doing this year for Mother's Day. Please feel free to comment.

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  1. This is my first mother's day since Jacob died. Last Mother's Day, I went to church and got a rose because I was pregnant.

    We aren't going this year. I know that seeing pregnant women and babies will have be crying in a corner in no time.

    My Dad made reservations for brunch for the family, but I told him that Ted and I wont be going, that it is just too painful this year.

    I am in a music group and there is a show that night, so I have to leave the house for that. I don't plan to go out other than that. I'll just give my Mom a card and gift at the show.

    Good luck at the BBQ. I hope that it isn't too hard.

  2. Thank you so much for your sweet comment! This is our second Mother's Day since losing Ella Grace. Last year I tried hard to pretend like I was doing okay and we "celebrated" with our Moms, but this year I am taking care of me! We are going out of town for the weekend and are going to pretend like the day doesn't exist! I know that burying your head in the sand ins't always the best solution, but this year it feels right! We are going to shop and play and just enjoy being away!

    Be gentle on yourself and take care!!