Journey of Loss, Hope, and Faith: To Hope Again

I have more days in my grief where I am just occupied with daily routines. It has helped to tutor some kids in the evenings and leave the house. I try to sub at my former school district once in a while even though financially I should be subbing more often. There were hobbies that I wanted to pick up on such as sewing so that I may be ready to sew for my children one day. However, sewing itself has never been easy when you're wondering what or whom to sew for while you don't have kids of your own.

It takes alot these days even after the TAC to get myself encouraged and hopeful for our future. My husband is a teacher and all of a sudden this week we weren't too sure about his job stability. My state has made some crappy choices to save money in this dwindling economy - cutting budget in public schools. We have enough to worry about and I just want to focus on one thing which is the very reason I quit my job - to have a healthy pregnancy and to bring our baby home. I need to consult with my RE and see when my treatments will start again. I am actually so scared to try again that I don't mind this waiting period. I have been resting at home anyways - it's been 3 weeks and I am just starting to feel a little better although not to the point where I can work out. I probably am the weakest link compared to other moms who are tougher than a short Asian lady! With medical bills heaping up, I can only be thankful that my husband and I are still determined to make sacrifices for our future children....

I admit how overwhelming it can be to think about every little step we have taken to find out why I couldn't conceive and then to pick ourselves up again after our losses. I have cried even after returning from the surgery. While in New Jersey, we met this wonderful couple from Canada who also had the same surgery the same day. I was disappointed that I missed two other couples who were TAC'd but we bumped into the Canadian couple while picking up our prescriptions. I was encouraged to see this couple's endurance in their complex and heartbreaking journey. I hope our stories will end with redemption as our loving Father works in ways we don't see... I HOPE this is the year. Here is a link to another blogger, mom of twin boys in heaven, who lives in my area and who shares the same OB!! She will have her CSection soon!