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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Another Loss

My husband and I were once again hopeful when my pregnancy test came out positive. First test: positive; second: negative; third: positive. It was October 10th, Sunday, one day after Joey's birthday. I went for a blood test on Monday and the hCG was a little lower than my doctor's standard. I was anxious but I had many friends reassuring me. The second blood test was on Wednesday and they called me the next day to tell me that it had increased sufficiently. I was relieved...
I told myself that I would be thankful for each day that this baby lived. That mindset was the only way to get through each day of anxiety. I just didn't know what my body would do even though my first trimester with Joey was not too hard. I had mild cramping with fluttering sensations, no bleeding and found online that this was the uterus stretching. Each week was a victory.
Hubby and I were looking forward to our first sonogram - I wanted to be a little relieved by seeing for myself that the baby was okay. This past Monday was the seventh week of pregnancy. Instead of "Let me show you your little baby" we heard the sono tech say "Looks like I am not seeing anything inside your sac..." SO four days have passed by and I am waiting for my body to stop thinking that it's pregnant. I still fantasize that all of this was a mistake but I am slowly seeing my stomach shrink. I am still in shock and feeling disappointment. This pain is not as intense as losing Joey. However, my husband and I endured another shattered dream. I surrender all this to God knowing that He will keep writing our story and we will pass His story of this long journey to our children. Until then, I admit that I am lost, confused, and giving myself permission to grieve... again.


  1. You are so strong Patty. You are right, God is not done with your story. Until then, keep pressing forward. I know it's coming...I am praying with you and for you.

  2. Thanks, sweetie. (: The waiting part sucks.

  3. So sorry to read your post. It is really unfair.