September Memories

As my daughter's 2nd anniversary/birthday draws near, I am reminded of where I was around end of September two years ago. I remember.... in one hour of my 20 week appointment all the "bad" news were waddled up and delivered to us. Total previa - confirmed. We didn't know what that was back then. Then the eerie news that Joey's fluid was low. Was that bad news, urgent news, or something we can manage? The OB at that time merely gave me the number to call the perinatalologist after he did some sort of bacteria check. The first medical term I saw related to pPROM was "oligohydramnios." I didn't become familiar with the more common medical term, pPROM, until I went to my support group weeks after the loss.

So here I am rambling over the past....it's gone....it happened....it's done with. But it breaks my heart that there could've been MORE done for me and my baby. I should've been on bedrest and antibiotics right away even if it was too late. Yeah, I still feel this lingering anger towards the OB. I really don't think he treated me the way he would've his wife or pregnant daughter. I know there are always heartbreaking stories when I read through the PROM websites. Some moms were encouraged to terminate by delivering immediately without given alternate options. Some moms were fortunate to have miracles. I feel a pang of envy and injustice whenever I hear other OB's who went far and beyond to care for the pPROM mothers. By the way, I keep mentioning "pPROM" instead of "PROM" since 2nd trimester rupture is considered Preterm Premature Rupture of Membrane."

I don't remember if I strongly felt this dark cloud of memories last year around this time. I am just glad this month, this week is almost over.