Unfinished Business

Nothing new was going on in Joey's room. After she died we called it the "guest room" to avoid the pain of our loss. Now in my mind it's still Joey's room and our next baby's room. We didn't even start cleaning out the room while I was pregnant with her. All the pregnancy books and magazines my friends cleaned up for me during my stay at the hospital still remain in the closet. The room was just there. The walls were neutral in color. A part of me wanted to go all out and decorate the nursery after a year of grieving. The room looked depressing. Then another part of me thought it would be painful to wait for a baby while the nursery was all decked out. My husband at least painted this empty room couple days ago. I still have time before taking a preg test but regardless, it feels good to complete something left undone. Painting this room was something we COULD do while everything else was left untouched frozen in time - my new maternity clothes that I bought with Juno while on sale, books from healthy pregnancy eating to all the how to's, Joey's memory book, and I still find random pregnancy cravings with Joey still in the pantry. I found a 2 year old package of lemon drops - my first trimester I had the weirdest craving for lemon drops while waiting in line at  a post office. I bought it and never opened it.

Joey's dolls we collected over the years.