John and I have traveled through a maze of charting my temperature every morning, clomid, 2 IUIs, THEN we found an RE who did a laparoscopy around March 2009. The laparascopy revealed endometriosis which the RE suspected. This was all within 2 and a half years of trying to conceive. I did my 3rd IUI after the laparascopy in May 2009 wondering if this would work - I remember feeling so exhausted from everything and by this time I was tired of hoping. Then the first Friday of June my pregnancy test came out positive. We were blown away by our FIRST pregnancy test that showed positive.
Thinking about when and how everything happened is the most difficult part. I suffered from sciatica on 13 weeks of pregnancy. I've had back pain before but that was by far the most painful. I was so focused on getting my back treated with physical therapy, chiropractic, and even gentle acupuncture. With sciatica and limited sleep from the chronic pain I was in fatigue. My memories of how I ruptured my membrane is blurred. It feels like a bad dream. I must have started leaking around who knows 18 weeks? It's hard to discern your fluid from discharge when you don't see the difference or when you feel "fine."
John and I were ready for the 20th week checkup. We were told that our baby was a girl at 13 weeks and the 20th week sonogram confirmed it. Then the sonogram technician had a grave look and said that she would call in the OB. We were told that I had total previa (placenta completely covering the cervix) and that the amniotic fluid was low. I did not know how serious this was. I remember feeling uneasy about Joey looking cramped from the low fluid. The OB kept asking me if I had completely wet myself and I said that I didn't recall anything like that except for slightly more fluid than the discharge. The OB did a bacteria test which came out negative. I didn't know what questions to ask and I didn't want to panic. I remember feeling anxious after the doctor referred me to the perinatologist and by stating that this was "potentially dangerous." I cried in the restroom not knowing what to think... My husband stayed calm for me and we both tried to be rational by telling ourselves that we needed to wait for the specialist to tell us what exactly was going on. We had to wait another week before we saw the perinatologist. On my next appointment I was told that the fluid was low - AFI (amniotic fluid index) was a 3 or 4. The blood flow was not flowing properly to the placenta. I was placed on bedrest and antibiotics. He didn't say anything about miscarrying. I wonder if the specialist knew that I had a high risk of losing Joey - he has probably dealt with so many parents who refused to terminate their pregnancies. I guess it wouldn't have made a difference for me - I would have kept trying to keep her as long as I can regardless of what the doctor said.
Even during bedrest I kept losing little bit of fluid in any position that I was in - sitting to laying down. The 3rd day after seeing the specialist I got ready for bed and started to feel slight cramping. The bleeding started to scare me - we decided to go to ER... Whether it was persistent denial or optimism, I still couldn't imagine losing our daughter. We waited 2 hours with the nurses trying to find the heartbeat before the ER doctor arrived. When the doctor showed us the sonogram and said that there was no heartbeat and no fluid left I think that I blacked out screaming. John and I just held each other and cried through the darkest moment of our marriage... Little did I know that there was a Christian nurse on the other side praying for us.
I remember asking for a C-Section out of fear of delivering - I was NOT ready to deliver but the doctor didn't recommend a C-Section for a small baby. However, my body responded well to inducing and epidural. Within 12 hours Joey was born sleeping on October 9th, 2009, around 5pm. John and I were in a stage of shock - we were heading towards a journey of doubt, grief, and anger....